Offering both in-person counselling in Tiny, ON, and virtual online counselling across Ontario, PEI, Nova Scotia and Saskatchewan
Mind Health
Our mind is a complex and wonderful thing. The “mind” incorporates all matters of the brain from skills to memories to visions of our future and problem solving. The mind contemplates situations we face, it keeps us safe, and it can enable us (or impair us) in day-to-day functioning.
Our mind makes sense of the world around us, and it helps us to navigate situations that we encounter. Our mind is excellent at patterns and problem solving; it uses experiences from our past and applies strategies in current situations that seem similar. Often our patterns work well for us, but we all have patterns and strategies that are not helpful, and we become stuck and unable to see where to go next because our old reasoning seems right and true. Being stuck in these patterns can result in elevated levels of anxiety, depression and difficulty coping which can interfere with all areas of our life from work to relationships and overall sense of wellbeing.
For Couples
Couples can present unique challenges in therapy and so the skill of the therapist is critical. Each couple brings a rich history from life before they met, and they have a rich history together.
As we grow in life, it is our relationships that teach us about ourselves and others. Positive experiences, such as when we feel loved and supported, help us take on positive beliefs, and other experiences, such as when our needs (e.g., food, shelter, love, safety, and connection) are not met, may result in negative beliefs. Painful experiences cause us to develop protective strategies in the hopes of never again feeling that pain.
Our partner will often be the person who triggers us the most. Our triggers can show us where we need healing.
When we enter an intimate relationship, our partner often becomes the person that will trigger the beliefs, emotions, and behavioural patterns that will result in us engaging in protective strategies which may include saying things and acting in ways toward our partner that do not align with our values and our true feelings for them.
When you enter therapy with me, my first item of business is to create a safe therapeutic space for
each of you so that this very tender work can move forward. Couples often come to therapy with a
great deal of pain and so helping you to each feel heard and have a different kind of conversation is
the goal. Together, we will identify the protective strategies that may be getting in the way of you
getting the things you want and need the most. My clients gain new skills that will improve their
communication and their relationships.
T/trauma
Trauma (the late 17 th century Greek word meaning wound) is the impact of our experience. We may experience trauma from a single incident, or by repeated experiences over time. One important thing to remember about trauma is that there are many factors that impact how we process and thus are wounded from our experiences. Regardless of your circumstances, please be assured that what happened to you is not your fault, and we can heal the wounds even years later.
You may have noticed that we wrote trauma with a big “T” and a small “t” there is a reason for this. Trauma (big “T”) can be caused by critical events that threaten our life such as being in or witnessing a serious accident, a sexual assault, or the sudden loss of a loved one. Trauma can also be the result of non-life-threatening events such as what might be experienced by someone who has repeated exposure to an environment (small “t”) and is helpless to change things such as when a child grows up in a home where their parents engage in unhealthy conflict.
Trauma is never our fault, and we are the only ones who can give ourselves healing.
The impacts of trauma can include:
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anxiety
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panic
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depression
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mood swings
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insomnia
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irritability
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low motivation
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immune and auto-immune disorders
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chronic pain, digestive issues, hormone imbalances, allergies, chronic fatigue
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difficulty in relationships
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difficulty with focus/concentration
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difficulty setting boundaries or asking for what you need
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struggling with what others think of you or that they are judging you
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struggling with substance use (alcohol, drugs, food) or other ways of managing
difficult feelings/boredom such as scrolling online, binge watching television or
other videos, online shopping… -
low self-worth or self esteem
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people pleasing
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nightmares
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flashbacks
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“triggered” by things that seem small in hindsight
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acting in ways that do not fit with your values
There are many ways that people respond with trauma; this is just a small sample of some of the things that can happen.
Healing from Trauma
We can never undo the trauma that we experience, but we can reduce the impact that trauma has on us.
Trauma therapy begins with a complete assessment of current problems, symptoms and coping skills and then careful planning with the client on where to go next.
Clients with trauma may require the support of a psychiatrist in addition to the work we can do together and we will make recommendations for the level of support that is appropriate for each individual. There are times where we may recommend that there is another professional or service that is better suited for the client. Rest assured, that the well being of the client is our top priority; we are not a “one size fits all” service.
Providing LGBTQ2+ Safe Services
A Little Deeper Dive Into Trauma
Both “big T and small t” traumas activate the limbic system which engages the central nervous system to change our state to survive the situation (fight, flight, fawn, and flop). When in one of these states, we have less access to the pre-frontal cortex which is the area of the brain that holds our logic and our skills to regulate our emotions. This is why we can find it difficult to use the skills that many therapies teach, and this may result in us judging ourselves for doing things we would not do when we are calm and able to access these skills.
In humans, difficult experiences are processed differently by each person. For years we have thought that the brain develops from birth, however, we are coming to understand that the brain and body is affected even before birth. We have known for years that the food a mother eats during pregnancy affects the development of the child’s body but what we are learning is that the experiences of our mother during our development can also affect us. In our connection to our mother during gestation, we
feel her feelings, the hormones such as adrenaline or cortisol, which run through her body, also run through ours and this may explain why some people seem to be “born sensitive” or “born anxious.” These traits can also be handed down from generation to generation because child rearing practices get handed down and trauma also affects our DNA. Experiences after birth, such as a separation from mom due to unusual circumstances (illness or adoption) also impact the newborn baby and this can have lifelong implications. The truth is that even the most wonderful parents will struggle to meet all their child’s needs, because we are human and as such, we have limitations, and these children may also experience trauma.
One of the most compelling studies to highlight the importance of childhood experiences is the
“Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) Study” (Felitti VJ. The Relation Between Adverse Childhood Experiences and Adult Health: Turning Gold into Lead. Perm J. 2002 Winter;6(1):44-47. doi: 10.7812/TPP/02.994. PMID: 30313011; PMCID: PMC6220625.) retrieved at https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6220625/
This study showed that childhood experiences affected physical and mental health and since it’s publication, there has been study after study exploring some of the causes of trauma and the long term effects.
Recommended Reading
What Happened to You? Conversations on Trauma Resilience and Healing
By Oprah Winfrey and Bruce D. Perry, MD, PhD
You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For (For Couples)
By Richard Schwartz, PhD
The Myth of Normal: Trauma, Illness and Healing in a Toxic Culture
By Gabor Mate, MD, and Daniel Mate
No Bad Parts
By Richard Schwartz, PhD
The Body Keeps the Score: Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
By Bessel A. van der Kolk
The Primal Wound
By Nancy Verrier